The Insecurity Artists Don’t Talk About

Everyone talks about imposter syndrome. How we all feel like a faker, that we don’t really belong. But there’s another insecurity that artists feel which is much less discussed: jealousy. Why do they get all the opportunities? Why are they always getting roles and not me? Why are all the companies reaching out to them? How come everyone else is getting jobs and not me?

It’s incredibly difficult not to compare yourself to others. I’ve struggled with it throughout my career, and still do. There’s always someone else that’s getting cast more often, that got the job I wanted, that is more visible, more successful, you name it. And it’s not just me – dance and theatre industries are rife with jealousy, especially in places where there aren’t as many opportunities (I noticed it, for example, in the dance industries in Cambodia and Pakistan). The more successful a person is, the more others try to put them down.

But while it’s pretty common knowledge, artists still smile and say “good for you” when the breaks come for their peers. And to be honest, most of the time they mean it. Still, it’s hard not to feel that little twinge, especially if you feel the breaks aren’t coming for you.

Of course, jealousy is not useful. So how do we deal with it?

You Don’t Know the Whole Story

I used to say this all the time to my mentee in Pakistan, a young actress trying to break into the film and TV scene. She’d bring up whoever was the newest face to be cast, and lament why they got it and not her. She’d complain that they just appeared out of nowhere, they had no training, etc. And I used to tell her, you don’t know their story. It’s entirely possible (and even probable) that they’re living a similar struggle. They might have been trying for years. I’d tell her, you’ve already done a couple projects – they might look at you with similar envious eyes.

We don’t know what people are going through. Social media doesn’t tell the truth, and neither does getting one job. People live their own journeys and we have absolutely no idea how deep and wide those go.

Also – for those artists who are working, but maybe not in that project or with that director – it’s entirely possible that person, or people like them, are envious of you in the same way. Maybe their dream project is something else, that you’ve already done. We just don’t know. Jealousy responds to something singular, but lives are complex and pluralistic. Reminding ourselves that we don’t know even half the story can help cut the emotion.

(By the way, that young woman is now working regular in dramas, and I bet you anything other actresses are saying the same thing about her.)

Everyone’s Path is Unique

It’d be nice if we could all be Hollywood actors, right? Well, maybe not. I usually get messed up with jealousy when I’m feeling unsure about my own path. I see people working for xyz, or in that project, and think, why can’t I do that? Even if I’ve tried and failed miserably because I’m just clearly not suited for it.

The mainstream path is the easiest to see. That’s kind of the ‘template’ for each type of performer. For film actors, it’s Hollywood. For theatre / musical theatre actors, it’s Broadway or the West End. In dance, it’s working with a company. In Dubai, it’s performing for events. When I was a student graduating with a dance major, that’s all I really knew was possible, and I see that in the students I mentor now.

But over the years, I’ve realized that there are so many ways to work in any field. There are corporate role play actors, improv actors, theatre actors, commercial actors, teachers of all shapes and sizes, researchers, storytellers, and that’s not even getting into theatre adjacent possibilities. There are events, plays, forum theatre, improv, film, tv, commercials, reels, and all of them are totally different styles. And not all of them are for everyone – last year I experimented a lot with improv theatre, and came to the conclusion that while it was fun, it’s just not my genre.

The point is – your path is not theirs. Their path is not yours. Everyone is on their own path, trying to find what works for them, and it’s impossible to compare success.

Focus on what you can do, and what you’ve already done

As much as it sounds like a platitude, the best antidote to jealousy is to focus in on what you have, and what you can control. When I start to get that twinge scrolling through instagram, I think about what I’m working on right now, and how I got to where I am. I used to remind my mentee of the projects she had done, and tell her, just focus on yourself. Work on your technique, so you can be ready when the opportunity comes. Of course, opportunities don’t just walk in your door and jump on you, so you always have to be ready, and there’s always more work to do (though that’s a topic for another blog!).

It’s really natural to feel jealous – but it’s not useful to let it dictate how you behave, think, or run your career. So when you start feeling like everyone else but you is getting those big breaks, take a minute to remind yourself of what you’ve done and remember, you don’t know the whole story, nor the details of the path that person is traveling. Focus in on what you can control, and trust that the path you are on is the right one. Good luck!